On Conquering the Inner Demon

(Photo by Ivan Karasev)

The best way out is always through.
-Robert Frost

A month ago I had a tiny little incident with my blog. It was hacked and I was bullied. By God’s grace the matter got sorted quickly. No hard feelings, and peace to one and all.

It left me shaken as I am a nobody in this amazing internet world and I never thought this would happen to me, not even in my scariest dreams. After a while I assumed my life would go back to as it was. I had a couple of drafts lined up. But now they didn’t seem good enough. I kept on rewriting them, editing them and then deleting them completely to start all over again. It became a vicious cycle. I never got to publishing anything. I procrastinated as long as I could. There were times when right before I was about to hit the publish button those hurting words would come back ringing in my mind. I would be back to square one. It was a hopeless situation.It continued for a whole month.

Today I have been struggling since morning, editing and polishing a post. And at a point I was so done with this whole thing that I decided to give up. I know it sounds dramatic but that’s what I do when things get hard. I run away.

The fears we don’t face become our limits.

-Robin Sharma

I gave up swimming because I couldn’t get it right the first time. I never learned cycling because I fell down a couple of times. I have a hard time maintaining friendships due to past hurts. I am a scared chicken who is afraid of being hurt. I console myself by saying that it is an act of self-preservation.

And people do it all the time. Some people are afraid of emotional intimacy due to past hurts. Some drop the subjects which give them trouble. Some people carry mental baggages all their lives.

I was resigned to being one of them when I had a thoughtwhat the hell!? Will I let someone’s frustration decide the fate of my life’s most important goal? Hell no.

So I just came to terms with the fact that people get bullied all the time. We all fail. We all have break-ups. We all have scars on our souls from being hurt in one way or other. But we can’t stop living and existing in constant fear of things isn’t living. So here I am- with countless failures, dozen issues, and burning scars on my soul. I am just like all of you. Because aren’t you afraid of getting bullied? Is there nothing you gave up because you failed once? Does past hurt never make you go in defensive mode?

If yes, I want to tell you that it is okay to be scared. It is alright to feel the way you are feeling…but you know what’s not okay? It is letting that fear dictate our life choices. I have been doing it whole my life. It is one of the most unproductive things I done in my life.

So I made a list of things I run away from and I am going to take it down by the horns. And of course I am realistic, some things will always hurt. Some scars will always pain. But I want to conquer my inner demons, at least face them- because the first person to win over to our way of thinking- is our own fragile self.

I don’t know if this is helpful or relatable. But if you got any fears to share, any demons to conquer, please share in the comments below. We are in this together.

Adios then! Happy reading!

Sometimes what you are most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

Robert Tew

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17 Comments

  1. Aejal Patel 20th May 2018 at 8:08 pm

    This is relatable. I am often told that I live in a world of books more than my real world, and mocked for my love of reading. It hurts to be laughed at for something I love doing. And then I question myself unintentionally that why do even I read?
    Even when I try to write something,rarely take the time and effort to improve it after the first draft. Giving up seems a lot easier.

    1. Pallavi D. Patel 27th May 2018 at 9:43 pm

      But Dumbledore says- “We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”
      And have we ever questioned his wisdom?☺

      1. Parimal Bakrola 10th July 2018 at 7:10 am

        πŸ’— Great Reply Pallavi.
        People will ALWAYS have opinions, it’s like they get paid for it or something..
        Don’t let ANYONEs opinion ever change You. (Doesn’t apply when You’re a Smoker and everyone wants you to Quit smoking , then you should change πŸ˜‚)..

  2. Tejash Panchal 21st May 2018 at 11:46 pm

    Wow! Amazing. Felt really good after reading. It is true that I am fearful about getting hurt by others fequently while trying to help them or in any situation. But failure is a part of life and fear is part of failure. If we overcome fear, we overcome failure and so we achieve success in anything we want to achieve but are fearful about it.

    1. Pallavi D. Patel 27th May 2018 at 9:38 pm

      Thank you so much Tejash for your valuable comment. It is true that our fears often dictate our actions, but we must get over them to see how far we can go. I agree with you- failure too is an important part of life. It is failure that makes success so sought-after.☺

  3. Arif Khan 22nd May 2018 at 11:55 am

    Well this is life, it will always try to knock you down but it depends whether you want to give up or fight back but one thing is for certain if you decide to fight back you’ll come back strongerπŸ˜‰πŸ˜Šβ˜ΊοΈ And that will change your life.

    1. Pallavi D. Patel 27th May 2018 at 9:40 pm

      Thanks for everything! It means a lot to me. Grateful!!!

  4. Saurav 31st May 2018 at 10:00 am

    Heyya Pallavi, You went through so much still you have such courage to go on with your blog.Here is one of my fears that I carry; I have a strong crush on one of my friend and I can’t even approach her and tell my feelings because I fear that if i tell her she will have a different thinking about me even if she friendzoned me. So I never try what I think is impossible and will never be achieved. 😊

    1. Pallavi D. Patel 18th June 2018 at 7:46 pm

      Hey Saurav!
      We all have been there once I guess- friendzoned as you put it. With time it becomes more and more painful to pretend being “just a friend.” Being afraid of what she might say is also natural. But you know what? One day you will have to decide between telling her or just being friends. You can’t always be on the middle line. Either you have to go back or move forward.
      I know it’s difficult. But as Mark Twain puts in ” Courage is not the absence of fear, but acting inspite of it.” Decide for yourself- do you want to live with this fear or face it?

      1. Saurav 23rd June 2018 at 1:02 pm

        Finally you replied, and yes i did face her and released all my emotions in a decent and kind manner. And you know what, she didnt talk with me from that day and my heart is filled with embarassment and guilt of why I told her. And i have no courage even to ask her why. Every story does not have a Happy Ending. Thankyou… at least I had the courage to approach her.

        1. Pallavi D. Patel 23rd June 2018 at 7:15 pm

          Life is made up of more than one story.😊 I bet there are many wonderful experiences waiting for you out there. Hold on to hope.πŸ™‚

  5. Lipi 19th June 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Simply Beautiful! πŸ˜‡

    1. Pallavi D. Patel 20th June 2018 at 5:59 am

      😊

  6. Parimal Bakrola 10th July 2018 at 6:50 am

    You’re an Inspiration , Pallavi..
    There’s only one thing you should tell your fears , troubles and issues.. and it is “So What ?”
    And remember, Fight mediocrity !

    1. Pallavi D. Patel 10th July 2018 at 8:23 am

      Yes Sir.πŸ˜ƒ

  7. Rakesh 29th July 2018 at 8:56 pm

    Hi Pallavi ! Your blog is amazing and I love the way you present your thoughts in the posts and the most amazing thing is that you interact with us. We all have this fears you talk about and I want to share it with you. I have this problem of straight forwardness and I know this because I am a little too much self-concious about myself Hence being straight forward has ruined my relationship with family and friends in recent events. Any advices?

    1. Pallavi D. Patel 14th October 2018 at 5:56 pm

      Thank you so much Rakesh! If you ask me, being straight-forward is a plus point. I am a fan of clear and direct communication. It eliminates a lot many long term misunderstandings. But if it is impacting your loved ones in a negative way, I would say, add a little tact with it.
      If I come across a book which can help you, I will surely let you know. ☺

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